188 Crabapples for 2440 Mass Ave.

I admit it: Critical Fluff, Version Blogger, I sort of miss you a little. It's true. So maybe I will post here now and again and also keep up my Tumblr, which I am keeping pretty much low profile, for no other reason than it is unequivocally uninteresting to anyone but myself. It's pretty much a personal delicious feed with tiny-tiny-blog legs.

Anyway. I will be back here now sometimes. Hi.

So, last Sunday Jason and I went to check out the brand new Cambridge Point Condos. The units were gorgeous, and we unwittingly spent over 2 hours wandering around every single unit. multiple times.

Our condo tour ended with a incredible mutual suicide, very much like Romeo & Juliet, except in this case we drank 18 liters of Liquid Nails, carved "I'll never-ever-ever have enough for a down payment" into our forearms with a rusty jacknife, and threw ourselves down (beautiful) spiral staircases (next to lovely fireplaces) with acute cases of condo envy.

But tomorrow is the 4th of July. And there will be grilling and golf.

68 Crabapples for Sucky Walkers

I have a horrible anger-management problem when it comes to a very particular set of people:

Slow walkers.

No, actually: slow walkers doing extraneous tasks while not moving out of the way of the clear-and-present stream of traffic.

Need some examples? Well, sure. Here:

- The girl rummaging through her purse on the left ("it's here that we walk") side of the escalator, seemingly in search of the Magic Pearl of Gibraltar.

- The couple with their hands around each other's waists, barely moving forward at all, blocking an entire narrow hallway.

And this much is just true: people that walk wicked super slow... make a habit of walking wicked super slow.
Because I KNOW that they just KNOW how much it hurts my soul.

Anyway, I was stuck behind a SWDEC ("slow walker doing extra crap"-- pronounced "swid-eck") going up the stairs at the Davis T-stop tonight, and I decided I should document my inner dialogue in the hopes of overcoming this mind-debilitating annoyance.

It starts mildly:

"Hmm, I wish you would walk."

Then:

"Uh, M'am, can you walk?"
"Walking."
"Ihateyou."

And then I start pawing anxiously at my ponytail:

"Um, yea, I actually really need you to walk."
"Hate."
...
...
...
"Hate."
...
"My mother hates you."
"Your mother hates you."
...
"Hate."
"hate-hate-hate-hate-hate-seething-monkey-asshole-hate."


Yea, it always ends badly.

46 Pineapples for a Steak-Filled Pony-Castle

A few things:

1. Tom, I really will meme up your meme. I don't watch Lost, so I just need to figure out some fuzzy logic by which I get to be Sloan from Entourage. Then my casting can commence.

2. Sarah, Paul, E, Max K, Stacey, Kate, Stace, Jess... Love your Wiffitis! Who did I forget?

3. Last night, Jason and I headed over to 28Degrees (pre-pre-dinner), Icarus (pre-dinner) and Masa (dinner).
[Disclaimer: We had Phantom Gourmet gift cards. And we were very thirsty.]

As we walked by the Smith & Wollensky castle on our way down Arlington St, Jason wondered out loud what the castle used to be. Well, here: "the medieval structure was constructed in 1891 and originally served as the headquarters for the First Corps of Cadets."

Yo. That's not nearly as interesting as I had hoped. I was hoping for something a little more "the old residence of an evil sorcerer who turned ponies into glittering bags of money, and who ultimately got shot by a wild donkey breeder because he thought the sorcerer stole his pants, when in fact the pants-thief was actually an angry escaped pony."

Whatev. Still a pretty amazing building.

And also, Masa: I adore you.

195 Crabapples for Sexy Diapers?

I remember the first time I saw broccoflower.

I was all "whaaaaaaaaat? a broccoli hybrid? sup yo, get me some'a that!"

And, for the record, it tastes mostly like cauli, and is honestly nothing to write home about, but the initial shock of it was really a thing to remember.

I felt a similar feeling today, as I found out about this: "the original online community for Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers."

Humina humina diaper?

Who likes diapers?

Moreover, who likes to photograph him/herself in diapers?

Not me.

I mean, how uncomfortable are pants? (very)
Now multiply that by infinite layers of absorbent cotton bunting, a plasticoat liner, and adhesive snuggifiers.

Makes me really sad.

955 Pineapples for Wiffiti Beta

How good does that look as a header?
So good.

You could even use it in place of a header (which I may do soon).

I know I'm biased, but seriously though, how awesome does that look? Do it-- press the pink arrow. Then txt me. Then cheer!

So, to all my blog friends sitting on their beta invites, go embed your screens! Change your backgrounds! Do the right thing!
Kate did. and Sarah did. and Stace did.

Now you go.
Go on. go.

Need help? Leave a comment. I'll help you and you'll have it up in under 3 minutes, looking all fly.

Want a screen and I didn't send you an invite? Also-- comment. or txt the screen. I may even feel nice and send you a t-shirt.

I'm Back. I Missed Pineapples.

ok. i'm back. i couldn't stay away.
You know, like that song.
I'm still planning on making my dramatic move to Wordpress, but I don't have the patience right now. So... soon.

A few things I've been wanting to say:

1. What's up with the movement toward alternative grains? I was at a diner this weekend and had the unfortunate experience of sitting next to a woman who would not shut the fuck up about quinoa. KEEEENNNNNWAAAAA. DO YOU HAVE KEEEEENWA? JUST A LIL' BIT O' KEEEEEEEEEEENWA?
If it weren't for the stop-traffic-deliciousness of the sweet potato pancake sitting in front of me, I may have hurt her.
DO YOU THINK YOUR ALTERNATIVE GRAIN IS BETTER THAN MY TOAST?
I didn't think so.

2. Why is every shirt in every store right now a maternity shirt? It's like the whole babydoll dress trend of '97... but even more horrible.
I also hate ballet flats.

3. The other day, I was at the store buying an Amy's frozen sandwich thingy. Spinach and feta or something.
I was at the checkout and the guy was like, "is this your lunch?"
Skeptical and unamused, I humored him: "uh, yea."
He replies,"Sometimes my wife does that. She just heats something like that up and eats it. And that's that."

...

...

Uh...yea?

Um.

Umm.

Okay.

Wat do you say to that??: "Uhhh, she's so weird... heating up a frozen entree like that... in the microwave!? Ca-RaaaAzy!"

I went with "Oh."

A Mulligan for a Hiatus (which I already started)

Yea, you've noticed the lack of posts.

Critical Fluff isn't gone forever, but it's laying low for a bit.

No reason really, just been busy over at BMA and Wiffiti.

I imagine I'll be back pretty soon, but likely on WordPress. Blogger and I just aren't seeing eye to eye anymore.

In the meantime, enjoy the rain, some Creme Eggs, and hopefully some new socks.
New socks just feel so good.

100 Pineapples for Pretty Singing

So, I know it's March.
And that New Year's happened a significant chunk of time ago.
But this guy is just too great.

He sings!
He sits on the couch!
And there is wavering evidence midway through the video that his dog might just be alive!
(though you shouldn't count on it...)

50 Pineapples for Masa Tapas

Last night, Jason and I went to Masa, hoping to make the South End less of a Black Hole for us; we also wanted tapas.

And tapas we got.
Chorizo with cranberry chutney, crispy plaintains with shrimp, some duck & scallop thing with onion things, black bean cakes with carnitas, mexican hummus on cukes...

yum. yum. yum. yum and yum.

17 Crabapples for Chewy Light Rum

So Orbit Gum decided to make an "EXOTIC NEW FLAVOR!": Mojito Mint.
Oh, this is clearly not a good idea.
But this also means that I am necessitated by the Mandate for Assy New Flavor Trying (1986) to buy it.

So buy it I did.
It was not good.
Upon first chew, I was all, "hmm. this is not too bad."
Then I promptly spit it out and looked around quizzically and angrily for where I put down my mojito.

This course of events is discomfiting at 9:15am. And considering that I typically chew gum immediately after morning coffee, this flavor just ain't gonna do.

Now... Manhattan gum... that might not be terrible.