Oh, Pedigree. Maybe a Pineapple Out of Guilt?

Because I haven't done the list thing in a while:

1. I know we've been spoiled by a mild winter, but the cold that's going on this week is not my favorite. I have been tempted to wear a wool hat at work. Or bring a blanket. And bernese mountain dogs in a wagon! HI!
::11 Crabapples, not factoring in windchill.

2. For reasons I can not explain to anyone but the most elite, I just put a jellybean in my drink. The drink makes the jellybean hard, yet tastier.
This is high-level food science.
::23 Pineapples for not being Alton Brown.

3. For lack of a better idea, I just went to Google News and searched for "weird." I found this.
I think the battery promo was an ill-conceived idea in which the sake would be seen as "energizing." Weak. Can someone who can read Japanese tell me the sake brand name? Masumi? I need context clues.
::A mulligan until I get translation help.

4. Rachael Ray is trying to tell me that Oregon has a lot of cranberry bogs. I don't know whether or not to believe her. I tend to distrust persistent perkiness.
::90 Crabapples. And I might need you to shut up.

5. I was just disrupted by a call from Emerson asking for money. Sorry, yo, I have none.
::I can't tell you how many Crabapples.

6. The Pedigree ad with the shelter dogs make me tear up. Every/single/time. You are good dogs! All of you! Even the little fuzzy shitdogs! I would take you home and love you if I could!


Blogger Stacey said...

Damn you, Jaynie. That Pedigree ad just made me tear up too!

10:39 PM  
Anonymous hetherjw said...

according to the improper bostonian sake and tequila are the two alcohols that are stimulants.

that is a bad sentence. but you know what I mean.

10:53 PM  
Blogger Hooker said...

I'm too hammered to understand what's going on with this entry.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Goddam drunken blog trolling.

1:48 AM  
Blogger kate.d. said...

oh my god, when i first saw the pedigree ad i almost died. i could tell from the first two seconds that i was in for it, but i couldn't change the channel. and i just kept making sadder and sadder noises, and BoyCat looked at me like i was crazy.

but seriously. pedigree could not have tugged my stupid heartstrings harder if they were sitting right next to me.

11:28 AM  

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