30 Mulligans for Semi Sandra

I watch a lot of the Food Network, mostly because it is awesome, I am typically hungry, and watching good food is the best thing there is after eating good food, touching good food and then licking your finger, or having someone else touch good food and then licking his/her finger (only with friends). Although my heart belongs to Iron Chef (yes, even IC America), I also dig Paula Deen and The Barefoot Contessa. That said, I would be fine if Mario choked on his clogs and died a gruesome shoe-leather-and-wood-filled death in front of me and a group of impressionable young children. I also hate Emeril, even since he tried to associate BAM! with Crest toothpaste.

One gal I'm always waffling about is Sandra Lee of Semi-Homemade. Is she cute and spunky? Or plastic and conniving? Or cute and conniving? Or spunky and plastic? I really just don't know.

However, I found a Food Network Expert who is very, very certain about his feelings toward Sandie:

Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time... Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see... Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban--or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.

Hmm. I've already mentioned children and murder in close conjunction twice in this post.
Ah well.


Blogger Sarah said...

I love me some Sandra Lee! Although she is not my favorite (my heart belongs to Ina), I love her outfit-kitchen-kitchenaid mixer color combos, and I love that she always serves a cocktail with every meal.

8:32 PM  
Blogger kate.d. said...

oh my god, get my sister and mike talking about food network people. this one's an alcoholic, this one's a child molester, blah blah blah.

ok, the child molester one is made up. but a number boozing allegations were being flung around, that i remember.

and mario wears crocs. crocs!!! gack.

9:31 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

Ach, I can't stand Sandra Lee. Her overmatched, cumbersome "tablescapes" make me want to weep. And the food ... there is the occasional thing that seems like a good idea. But otherwise it's just too much overprocessed crap. Why bother cooking if you're going to use packets of taco seasoning?

Also, I do appreciate that she makes a cocktail with every meal. Maybe she's drunk all the time and can't be bothered to make things fully homemade. I can get with that, I guess.

11:12 PM  

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