183 Pineapples for a 15-20 Minute Rinse

The Elaine-dancing episode of Seinfeld is on right now. But that's not the point of today.

The point is two-fold:

The back of my bottle of Fantastik reads as follows:

FIRST AID: If in eyes: Hold eye open and rinse slowly and gently with water for 15-20 minutes. Remove contact lenses, if present, after 5 minutes, then continue rinsing eye.

I don't understand. Why do I need to keep my contacts in for five minutes before removing them from the poison? This just seems ridiculous from all angles.

Frosted Mini Wheats Big Bites (topic via Jason's breakfast).
Let's break this down:
Mini AND Big.
I'm no trophy linguist, but this sounds fishy.
So, I consulted Wikipedia. I find this thoughtful analysis:

A short-lived experiment, Frosted Mini-Wheats Big Bite, was essentially the original cereal cut into rectangles (twice the size of the original pieces) rather than squares. The larger size holds milk differently from the smaller squares, creating a different taste quality; however, as the biscuit is larger than a normal spoon, it is difficult to eat without breaking up. This may limit this version's long-term marketability.

Thank you, good Wiki, for affirming that this product is oxymoronically lame.

Tres (Bonus): Because I am now on a kick of reading the fine print of crap in my cabinets and getting a kick out of it, I'd like to report that my non-stick cooking spray kindly reminds me not to store it in the refridgerator.
So I will not.

Now, everyone go grab a bag or a box of something and report back something stupid.
Go on, do it... it'll amuse us all.
Or just me.


Blogger kate.d. said...

well, there aren't many safety and usage instructions lying about my cubicle, sadly, but my Aquaphor does advise that it is "not to be applied over third degre burns, deep or puncture wounds, or lacerations."

if someone had one of these things, i would hope they'd be on their way to an emergency room, and not patiently squeezing Aquaphor out of a little tube.

9:55 AM  
Blogger munckee said...

What's up with Ketchup in the fridge. Seems to be a personal taste issue, despite the fact that the bottle says "refrigerate after opening". Doen't it? I dunno. We never did when i was growing up. Maybe thats what happened to me.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

My hair dryer has a tag that says not to use it when sleeping.

But ... but ... it's such a soothing white noise!

4:03 PM  

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