68 Crabapples for Peykeys
It's true. The formula is this: [W + (D-d)] x TQ M x NA where W = weather, D = debt, d = money due in January pay, T = time elapsed since Christmas, Q = time since failed New Year's resolutions to quit smoking, drinking etc, M = general motivational levels, NA = the need to take action.
I couldn't make that shit up. See here-- not a liar.
And I picked today to return from vacation? I may not be a liar, but I'm definitely stupid as charcoal.
Well, here is something to mull over in light of today's inherent tragic capacity:
Peyton Manning has mated with a donkey. And it is a proven fact that donkeys always choke. This is because most donkeys have very ugly faces and too many endorsement deals and only one testicle. Therefore, this hideous hybrid cannot pee alone and needs its mom to help it. It also stabs puppies and throws baby chicks out car windows.
Still, I wish Manning the best of luck in the Superbowl.
Also: go Bears.