17 Crabapples for DirtyNasty Mitts
If you have this month's issue, I urge you to turn to page 99 and focus your eyes on the hot pink inset (within a larger frame of a giggly maiden clutching a plastic bear/honey receptacle).
Read with me:
Sex Toy Tips---
If you like... Try...
Ice Cubes... Popsicles [okay]
Feathers... A Cashmere Scarf [sure]
Massage Oil... Salt Scrub [whatev]
A Hair Brush... A Kitchen Mitt
Hold up, Harry and the Hendersons.
Don't you fucking dare come at me with a crusty-ass, i've-been-in-chicken-pot-pie-and-assorted-creamy-casseroles kitchen mitt.
I may not be Dita von Teese, but hell if allow an ov-glove into my bed.
Unless it's clutching a loaded cookie sheet.