90 Crabapples for IRL FL Mirrors
So, in light of the cranky pisserocity I'm feeling, I give you:
THINGS ON THIS EARTH THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST EXCEPT IN CARTOON FORM:
1. full-length mirrors (because cartoon mirrors are always fun and shiny and make you look glossy and clean; real full-length mirrors are weapons created by the same group of secret policemen who created scrunchies and patterned Keds...Sorry Mischa....Holy shit, what a fucking horrible site. If you didn't clicky on that link yet...don't; it's fingernails/blackboard quality.)
Okay, shit-on-shit, you caught me. I simply needed a circuitous way to express my disdain at full-length mirrors and bad retail lighting because they pissed me off for a solid 30-40 minutes today, even though I went nowhere near a clothing store (okay, fine, I was near The Gap at one point this evening, but let's not get manically technical). But I failed in my circuitocity (as opposed to, of course, Circuit City). Because let's be honest, I stole "snakes" from the whole Snakes on a Plane hully-gully, and cartoon calamari could be easily mistaken for:
a. a hula hoop
b. a blanched onion ring
c. a halo
And, let's face it, when angels wear seafood, we all die a little inside.
And with that, I'm going on vacation. And it will be sunny and warm, and insects will dance, and cats will fly, and chipmunks wearing lobster bibs will rise from the ashes and greet me with a Manhattan with two (no, three) cherries.
It could happen.
**And yes... in-real-life-full-length mirrors.