888 Pineapples for a Spirited Red Ranger

Well, suckers, I'm back from vacation. And yes, true-so-true, that makes me the sucker.

Today I had a thought that I haven't had in years:

I should really start thinking and acting more like a Power Ranger; specifically, the red one.

And I'll tell you why.

Lately I've been pissed.

Pissed at the City of Cambridge for towing my car when one fucking millimeter of my crap-ass bumper was over the Somerville line, pissed more when they gave me TWO tickets on top of the $95 towing charge, pissed at traffic when it forced me to sit in 5+ hours of itself EACH WAY going to-and-fro North Conway this past weekend, pissed at the Assface Car Inspection Man when he failed my car because I was missing a little obscure piece of something that "needs" (oh fuck you) to be attached to my little side light on my front bumper, pissed more when he told me that the piece of nothing needed to be ordered and would come in "within 10 days or so," and pissed that I'm having a hell of a time lately standing up for myself and not ducking and covering like a pussy when I can't get a straight answer out of anyone.

I actually think it's the standing up for myself thing in general that's getting me all low. Which is why I'm leaning on The Red Ranger today. Actually, more like a combination of The Red Ranger and Christina Aguilera in her new single. Because, really, perhaps all I need is a smooth brass section and a shiny resin helmet.

I just, well, don't dig the way I'm feeling. So I'm thinking I need to start standing up straighter, stop letting myself get kicked in the shins, verbalize my valid complaints while stifling the bullshit, treat myself and others better... and, of course, buy a sweet red jumpsuit.

As seems fitting, I'm going to launch this new plan with one more glass of whiskey, a few prose poems, and maybe a little stretching.

**RedRanger thanks to brainpipe.


Blogger J.D. said...

And it also never hurts to have a huge honking robot you can call on whenever it gets to be too much to handle. That and the fact that all it takes is a kick to the chest and Power Rangers enemies seem to just disappear.

4:07 AM  

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