88 Crabapples for Pepsi Jazz
Today, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my silly little life.
It happened at the Store 24 (or, as I often say, the Sto' Twenty-Fo').
I was minding my own business, being thirsty, as I walked my radicool, liquid-hankerin' self to the drink cases. I decide that I want something awesome, something different and new, something that is not Fresca, and not Arizona Green Tea, and not any ol' brand of bottled water.
And then. AND THEN. And then it happened.
I reached for Pepsi Jazz: Strawberries and Cream.
What is Pepsi Jazz: Strawberries and Cream, you ask (nicely)?
Well, Pepsi Jazz: Strawberries and Cream is this...
a.awful fucking totally killa bad
b. offensive to humanity-at-large
c. a mixture of carbonation, sucralose, dogfood, Assorted Berry Tums, caramel-color, water, ester of wood resin, Red Dye #5, and pure devil-inspired sin.
After drinking three sips of the aforementioned poison, I scolded myself fiercely.
But see, I knew it was going to suck. I just thought that because it so obviously sounded and looked like it would taste like asshole-and-fishsauce-and-berries, that it might possibly be good.
I am NO LONGER (mark my words) giving ANYTHING the benefit of the doubt.
Rule of Thumb: If you look like you suck and you walk (sit in the cooler) like you suck, you, well, suck.
F you, Pepsi Jazz; my tastbuds are pissed.
It happened at the Store 24 (or, as I often say, the Sto' Twenty-Fo').
I was minding my own business, being thirsty, as I walked my radicool, liquid-hankerin' self to the drink cases. I decide that I want something awesome, something different and new, something that is not Fresca, and not Arizona Green Tea, and not any ol' brand of bottled water.
And then. AND THEN. And then it happened.
I reached for Pepsi Jazz: Strawberries and Cream.
What is Pepsi Jazz: Strawberries and Cream, you ask (nicely)?
Well, Pepsi Jazz: Strawberries and Cream is this...
a.
b. offensive to humanity-at-large
c. a mixture of carbonation, sucralose, dogfood, Assorted Berry Tums, caramel-color, water, ester of wood resin, Red Dye #5, and pure devil-inspired sin.
After drinking three sips of the aforementioned poison, I scolded myself fiercely.
But see, I knew it was going to suck. I just thought that because it so obviously sounded and looked like it would taste like asshole-and-fishsauce-and-berries, that it might possibly be good.
I am NO LONGER (mark my words) giving ANYTHING the benefit of the doubt.
Rule of Thumb: If you look like you suck and you walk (sit in the cooler) like you suck, you, well, suck.
F you, Pepsi Jazz; my tastbuds are pissed.
posted by jayniek at 9:00 PM
4 Comments:
I hear ya. I did the very same thing last week, and let me tell ya, Pepsi Jazz tasted like Pepsi Crapped-Its-Pants ... Yuck!
Great take on it.
i keep hearing mixed things! For every person that is absolutely disgusted by it, i hear someone else who loooves it. unless they are just messing with me to get me to try it.
i refuse to try it on principle alone, because of those obnoxious street scenes turned into jass music commericals. annoy the shit out of me.
omg I read Pepsi Jazz and laughed. I continued on to the "Strawberrries and Cream" and threw up in my mouth a little.
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