78 Crabapples for Not Liking Puns. At All.

Everyone's all talking about the heat and crap, so I will too. But the opposite. Sort of.

Okay, so, I have no hot water, which, at this point in the weather pattern of our Great Nation, can't really be considered a problem. Or, like, it can't be considered a problem that can be addressed in any way other than: "oh yea? shut the fuck up."

But a freezing cold shower is really not a lot of fun, games, or ponies however you spin it, so I called my building management company this morning to report the prob.

I begin: "I know this is kinda a wicked stupid thing to report, since it's, like, I don't know, 4 million degrees out... but I have no hot water."

Lady: "Is this an emergency?"

Me: "No. Of course not."
I titter a bit. Is she required by customer service script to ask that question or is she forcing me to confront my own lameness?

Lady asks for my name, address, blood type, ring size, etc.

Lady: "Okay... so you have no hot water. That's the problem, right?"

Me: "Yes."

Lady: "Is there a complex name?"

Me: "Wait, what?" [I chuckle like a nerd.] "You mean, like the name of the complex for people who complain about cold water in a ridiculous heat wave?" I break out into a full-on, punchy giggle. (Listen... I'm fricking tired.)

Lady: [now stern] "No. The name of your apartment complex."

I think: "She hates me so wicked bad."
I say: "I don't think there is one."

Lady: "No?"

I think: "I think no?"
I say: "Like, like The Colonnade or The Riverside or something?

Lady: "Yes."

Me: "Okay, yea...No."

Lady: [skeptical at this whole exchange] I'll file a report. [hangs up.]

I don't expect to wash dishes in anything but ice water tonight.


**Flickr nod to Adonis Chen. Would someone like to look into this movie further? I fear that I should not do so at work today.