26 Mulligans for Weird Mind-Over-Matter Bodily Condition Crap

Yo: This weekend was weird.

It started well&good enough, with some fantastico food on the patio at Croma, complete with sparkly red sangria and a 5-month old puggle sitting next to us. Her name was Mila and her mom said she is really cute when she swims; that, I do not doubt.

Anyway, then there was this odd incident with the cat across the street who is affectionately referred to as Krazy Kitty, but that's really neither nor nye-ther here nor there. More there, actually.
uhh. yup.

Okay, so. So I wake up on Saturday morning convinced that I had contracted some sort of madcow-birdflu palsy while I was sleeping. My right eye was drooping well below my nose, and my eyelid looked like a parka. Like parka-puffy. Quilted. You know.

Grow. OH. OH. Ess.
Gross.

And there was a little bug-bitey thing on it, so moral of this story is obviously that I got bit by a scorpion that was either residing in the fur of Mila or Krazy Kitty.

It went away by 6pm.
Whatev.

SO then at 8pm I decide to break out in icky lines of rash all over my arms. Bumpy lines. Red. Itchy. Disgusting.

To that, I say, "F that."

I also say (tersely): "Gross."

and, because my head is powerful and can do special things like make faeries (of the medieval variety, of course) out of pasta and other such tricks... I was able to freak out vehemently enough so that the rash got worse and worse and worse until it was so icky that i had to stop looking at or I was going to lose my cookies (or, actually, ice cream... i had had ice cream; yes).

it went away by midnight.

and then at 2am I had a firedrill and lost my keys and was super-sure (because I was raised as a conspiracy theorist) that i had left them in my door and someone in my building stole them and then pulled the fire alarm so they could rob me.

It was all too, too obvious.

I found them by 3am.


Sunday was fine, save for a small Existential crisis.
Hey, at least it's Monday.


**Oh, and that's not a puggle-dog. It looks more like a long-haired daschund mix type character, but there is a patio involved, so it's coo'. Thank you hsiqueira.