232 Pineapples for Ben
I got home from work tonight to find a hugeass box blocking the entryway into my apartment building. I look down. It's addressed to me! Jayne!
I think: "Jayne, did you order something?"
I answer: "Yes. Running shoes."
I think: "Are they that big?" (as in, bigger than your standard 3 year-old child).
I answer: "No. For I am not Shaq."
So, I look at the return address: Hasbro Toy Shop.
Holy shit... wicked fun.
I think: "Did I order one of those robot dogs when I was drunk?"
I answer: "Yes, you definitely did. Cool."
So I walk up the stairs, and promptly drop the large package right back down the flight of stairs. (I kid you not).
I say: "Sorry my new puppy."
I walk the box up the stairs -successfully this time- and skip to my apartment (no, no, really... okay, wait, no one thinks i'm kidding). I throw the puppy-to-be on my bed and run for my scissors. I rip through the tape and scuffle aside the styropeanuts...
WHAT????!!! No puppy?
The entire Play-Doh Make-a-Meal factory!!! Complete with an oven, a grill, a pasta machine, a taco station, a toaster that really pops up Play-Doh toast, and... a lunch box! Whaaaaaat?
See, right? Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!
And a card: "A gift from Ben"
Ben!!! This is the best thing ever. I was still feeling greatly indebted to you for changing my tire on that 168 degree day when I just wanted to go to Dairy Queen. Not to mention all the times you were purposefully late to our 1:20 class so you could catch the last 10 minutes of Elimidate for me. And all the times you convincingly humored me into thinking my windingly odd diagrams about Chaucer and dogs and post-modernism made any semblance of sense... Seriously, thank you!
Remember a few weeks back when I was complaining about eating tomatoes for dinner and longing for Play-Doh cavatappi and hamsteaks? Now I can have them! Every night!
My favorite part? My new oven has only two settings: boil and fry. HA.