11 Pineapples for Mattie Clement

I know, I know, I knooooow... you want to nail his bony ass with brass bookends shaped like trees.

Cool, cool, me too...
But, hey, listen up.

Matt Clement can teach us many things. Among them, how to give up 9 hits, 4 walks, 8 runs in one game, and also manage to get drilled hard as shit by Bernie Williams in your ankle, and then calmly say: "I'm frustrated" rather than "I fucking suck ass wicked bad." See? Now, that's self-respect.

Another lesson: timing.

And here starts the story (you knew there'd be a story):
So I'm listening to Dennis and Callahan on my way to work this morning, and they're talking about this cool project that one of the interns is working on. They've been having the kid maintain a spreadsheet tracking the time between each of Clement's pitches (starting between 1&2, since 0&1 would include extraneous 'tween batters flimflam). So, you know how Clement is very homely looking and a little bit totally scary? Well, yea, and then sometimes, when he gets in real trouble, it feels like he is taking about 6 hours between pitches and he rubs that ball like he really wants to eat the creamy nougaty inside but isn't allowed to eat the creamy nougaty inside unless he first rubs all the leather off with his fingers in a completely unnerving way?

Yea, well that's actually true. The "he takes a long time" thing, not the cadbury cream egg metaphorical shit.

So, in short... the results of this cool analysis:
When he's going strong and pulling strikes: 20-21 seconds between pitches.
When the likes of Cabrera and Jeter scare him and he starts to pee his tight white pants a little: 38+ seconds between pitches.
Almost double! And the consistency of this study, over multiple games, is staggering.

The lesson here seems like it's gearing up to be something terrifically trite and Madonna-esque: "Get into the Groove"?
Nopers. Sorry Madge.

The lesson is this: Dave Wallace, you've done this same analysis, right?



Blogger J.D. said...

iiiiiii...did not know that.

12:03 AM  

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