5 Pineapple Rings.
Unless I Require Surgery.

In the wild, flag-flyin’ spirit of the Olympics, I have decided to pull out my back somethin’ fierce. And, because I have an acute case of endorphin envy, I blame the pairs’ long program for my injury.

You see… what happens is I watch them doing cool crap and smiling hugely, and then I want to do that, too. So I do things like double axels in the open 2-sq ft that I have in my apartment. And sometimes I hit my bookcase or my coffee table. But I have to keep going because I am, of course, chasing the gold. And then I have to bow dramatically to each quadrant of the skating arena, and sometimes I see someone I know in the audience, so I wave a small tight wave (you know… just for them). And then sometimes people throw things at me. Like roses and stuffed bunnies. And my friends from jail throw things in little baggies that I believe to be plant food for the aforementioned roses; they are thoughtful.

So last night I was doing that. And it was fine… I hit my bureau once or twice with my left shoulder (spiral sequence), but no real deductions.

But then I was stretching after my run this morning and I felt something important in my lower back snap.

So here it is… merely 5 days into the competition, and Michelle Kwan and I are on the bench. Life, I tell you, is simply not fair.

Not to mention the fact that NBC has popped 14% more ads into Olympic TV coverage for this go’round. Force me to strain my back and then bury me in boxy SUV commercials? My ardent Olympic spirit has been seriously attacked.

If Johnny Weir doesn’t wear lots of sweet feathers for his free program, it’s totally over.


Blogger kate.d. said...

i often think of you when i see the skating competitions (i can't spell right now). i caught a pairs one a few days ago where an american team did a throw triple axel, which had never been done in the olympics before. i guess they had been missing it in all the practices, but golly god damn, didn't they land it when it counted.

it was kinda cute. i didn't know these people from a hole in the wall, and had been watching for all of 10 minutes, but i was like "yeah! you go, skater people! good for you!!"

sorry about your back :(

10:39 AM  
Blogger Mack Collier said...

At least you didn't dislocate your funny bone ;)

6:42 PM  

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