For Unsheathing Absolute Truths:
77 Pineapples for K-Cav
Over the past fews day I’ve tried to keep my nosy little fingers on the pulse of all that is Googlicious. “I will tackle the big issues of our day!” I shouted, hands firmly planted upon my hips, neck elongated and rooster-chested.
And I started getting more and more readers! Success!
You see, at least 50 % of my readers come through searches for “Kristen Cavallari + something [insert: pigtails, red carpet, new show, boyfriend, taser gun]”…
And I haven’t even said a damn thing about Kristen in weeks. And, to be honest, I’ve never ever ever said anything worth its weight in guano.
When I got a hit from Malaysia yesterday for “Kristen Cavallari + hot bikini,” I admittedly felt a bit defeated. MSN, AOL, and Google consider me a leading source on the subject. And I tend to trust Google--- have I mentioned??
Ladies and gents—I have nothing further to say about Kristen at the present time (and I understand that by continually repeating her name I am only bringing in more KC traffic), but I will certainly be back with updates after her new show premieres on Feb. 7. Maybe I’ll even begin my in-depth look at possible reasons why she’s garnered such a loyal following (yes, including myself) so quickly.
Until then, 77 pineapples to K-Cav for teaching me that all branches of the world enjoy a sneering blond with a don’t-fuck-with-me-attitude.
As long as she’s hot.
Seriously, readers… I’m here for all of your breaking news needs.