33 Pineapples for Pie Abuse

Know what I hate?

Pie-eating contests.

They make me uncomfortable, nauseous, and scared. I expect that I would feel similarly if I saw a circus clown wearing a navy uniform.

But speaking of navy unis,
Know what I love?

Crisp white pants. on anyone. They are far more universally flattering than we have been led to believe. Like the rest of life, it's all in the cut.

Anyway, the first episode of Celebrity Fit Club 3 was on last night. Bruce Vilanch, best known as the tubby Hollywood Square, has the absolute worst attitude ever-- like a newborn pitbull restricted from breast milk. or whatever doggie-mom-milk is called.
And they haven't even started dieting yet.

And know who else is on there? Jeff Conway, aka Kinicky from Grease. He will be fun to watch because I am 159% sure that the rainbow of "vitamins" he was taking during every water break were quaaludes.

*I was searching for a picture of a "pie eater" to include with this post, but I have been scarred for life after turning up a photo of a man in bed with the Pillsbury Doughboy with --uh, let's call it "Meringue"-- all over his face.

sadly, I will never be able to eat a crescent roll, cinnamon bun, or slice-n-bake cookie ever again.


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