15 Pineapples for Giving Automation a Shot

What, what, whaaaaat? Ye olde love of authenticity? Ye olde devotion to making jewelry out of subway tokens and aspiring to own a hand-lathe when ye grows up? Ye are giving automation a chance? Walter Benjamin would fricking eat you alive.

Stop- before you come at me with sticks and stones and kitty litter... Let me explain. I am NOT -- I repeat NOT -- a rescinding narf. Especially when it comes to the celebration of organic ideas sprung from tap-dancing in mud puddles while eating a turkey club.

But, hey... Google's acquisition of dMArc (and rumored forthcoming snatcharoo if Spot Runner) will make old media ad placement far more automated. To clarify a tidge, dMarc/Google will allow ads to enter a hugeass filter that will collate and assign them among and within specific sites (of the old-fashioned variety) according to an arkload of variables... marketing logic and savvy collapsed neatly into a pretty pattern of ones and zeros.
Well, well, hi there, sweet little mass media matrix.
[As a qualifier, dMarc is to radio as Spot Runner is to TV.]

However, I'm going to have to argue that this also makes the ad process (on a mass scale) far more efficient, more effective, and, quite possibly, more elegant. Wait a daggone second-- you're calling adspace treated like mad libs "elegant"? Jaynie, sweetie, are you a ramblin' fool? Quite possibly, sure... but not in this case. While googleadbots may not win any Clios, they will get their job done cleanly, quickly, and on a fucking huge scale. All you naysayers and holder-onners to "the integrity of advertising"... I first ask you to repeat that last phrase to yourself and dare you not to smirk, and then I say this:

a.) I swear to you that this isn't the apocalypse of "ideas." Google's aerial view of the marketplace and unmatched business acumen was borne of creative genius; the end-product doesn't need to be made of felt and pipe cleaners to be original, nuanced, and (oh, I fucking hate this term) "culturally sound."
[Why do I hate that term?... because, by nature, it can't stop undulating along its own continuum for long enough to ever contain fixed meaning of any modality.]

b.) Remember when New Media emerged and we all ducked and covered? And then you realized that sublime human interaction is surely still possible if you work within the media (or, alternately, you're still crouching under a desk, trembling like a pussy cat while the rest of us sashay in search engines...and, like, still maintain our "sense of Self").

We should only be scared of Google if we are too scared to try to understand its methods.

I ain't scared, Mr.Googleman. Bring it.


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