In a valiant attempt to expand my etymological knowledge, amuse myself quietly, and confuse/make fun of others more often, I have decided to start incorporating antiquated cliches and douchey sayings into my everyday speech as much as possible. No preference will be given for use cases in which the saying actually makes sense or hints at logic.
It's a great way to feel like a tool AND actually BE a tool.
I will aim to punctuate these tired sayings with a long, drawn-out "as they say," followed by a jubilant exclamation of the cliche at hand... as if, as they say
, I'm in seventh heaven(!!!)
Let's take a look at some examples:
Scenario A:At a convenience store, buying milk and cereal.
Clerk: That'll be $5.88. Do you need a bag?
Me: A bag!?! As they say, now that's the ticket!
Scenario B:Babysitting in a park.
Small Impressionable Child: Jaynie, when can I go on the swingset?
Me: Well, Child, as they say, every dog has his day!
Small Impressionable Child: But I don't have a dog. I WANT A PUPPY!
Me: Oh, Child, no yelling, we're in a park... you really need to, as they saaaaay, mind your P's and Q's!
Small Impressionable Child: [pees.]
Scenario C:At an Barack Obama press conference, upon being called upon to pose the capstone question of the afternoon.
Press Rep: Yes, you there [pointing at me].
Me: [I stop waving my hand frantically.] Mr.Obama, it seems that you have quite a... as they say... bee in your bonnet(!)
about voting rights for disabled and minority voters. Why exactly are you, as they say, such a busy bee(!)
about this issue?
Further examples welcome.
I'll let you know how it goes as I begin to put this ordinance into action... how many times I get punched, etc.